Initiation into Motherhood

Most moms would say that you’re officially a member of the sacred motherhood clan from the moment you give birth to your baby. I, on the other hand, have a theory that you are only a mommy, in its most true and pure form, after you have been initiated into the group by your offspring.  Your child may test you in whatever manner they see fit Some test your endurance, some to choose to test your speed, my daughter chose to test my patience, self control and humility! It all happened this morning quite unexpectedly.  Gioia has a teenagers habit of closing bedroom doors, leaving her trapped on the inside of the room.  This morning, while I wasenjoying my well deserved warm steamy bath she closed the door to the study, thereby trapping herself in the least interesting room in the flat.  I decided that she was going to have to serve her sentence in her make shift  cell as I was lingering way to lazily between the comforting bubbles.  She knocked politely on the door once or twice then banged loudly, but I was going to stand my ground. This was of course a colossal mistake, a titanic blunder and yes, a Hiroshima-type- bomb-epic miscalculation on my part because when I opened the door in my towel she stood in front of me with a wry grin holding her poo.  She handed me what she could, the rest she had rubbed into the floor, onto the wall, the door, the bed, the bookshelf and of course onto her face, her head and her feet. She was obviously getting ready to wage war against me  and she thought to camouflage herself with her excrement.  I have never been so calm in all my life, all I managed to hiss was ‘oh dear’ before swooping her up and plonking her into the bath, then drenching her in water and soap.  While she was waiting for me in the now empty bath to fetch her towel I took a quick look around the study for the ‘motherload’ or point of origin.  Low and behold, she had managed to contain most of her number two in the plastic dustbin.  I was thrilled, as I realised she is now certainly potty/bin trained and I am lifelong member of M.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D. All I have to do now is encourage her to play with her food before digestion, not after.